Anti-Lie Robot

One day, a father buys a robot that slaps people who lie.
He tests it at dinner.

DAD: Son, where were you today?
SON: At school.
*Robot slaps the son*

SON: Okay, I went to the movies. 
DAD: Which one? 
SON: Toy Story.
*Robot slaps the son again*

SON: Okay, it was Day with a Porn Star. 
DAD: When I was your age I didn't even know what porn was!
*Robot slaps Dad*

MOM: HAHA! After all he's your son.
*Robot slaps Mom*

The Vampire Bat

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself up the ceiling of the cave to get some sleep.Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it.He told them to go away and let him get some sleep but they persisted until finally he gave in.

"Okay, follow me!" he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him.

Down through the valley they went, across a river and into a forest full of trees.Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.

"Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked.

"Yes, Yes, Yes!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy.

"Good." said the bat, "Because I didn't!"

Penguin Drive

A man was driving down the road with thirty penguins in the back seat. The police stop him and say that he can’t drive around with the penguins in the car and should take them to the zoo. The man agrees and drives off.

The next day the same man is driving down the road with thirty penguins in the back and again. He is stopped by the same police officer who says, “Hey! I though I told you to take those to the zoo.”

The man replies “I did. Today I’m taking them to the movies.”

English Teacher

In Class:

• Open the doors of the window. Let the atmosphere come in.
• Open the doors of the window. Let the air force come in.
• Cut an apple in two halfs - take the bigger half.
• Shhh...Quiet, boys...the principal just passed away outside.
• Both of you three, get out of the class.
• Close the doors of the window.
• Take Copper Wire of any metal specially of Silver.
• Take 5 cm wire of any length.

About Family:

• I have two daughters both of them are girls.

At the play ground:

• All of you, stand in a straight circle.
• There is no wind in the balloon.

Punishment:

• You, rotate the ground four times
• You, go and under-stand the tree
• You three of you, stand together separately.
• Why you are late - say YES or NO

Foreign Language

A mother mouse and a baby mouse are walking along, when suddenly a cat attacks them.

The mother mouse starts barking like a dog and the cat runs away.

"See?" says the mother mouse to her baby, "Now you see why it's important to learn Foreign Language."

White Hair

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette hair.

She looked at her mother and asked inquisitively, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?".
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, “Mama, how come ALL of grandma’s hairs are white?”

James Bond 007

If 007 is James Bond...
Then who is 111?

Think ...

Think ...

Think ...