The Key to Paradise

daughter: "dad, what's between mom's legs?"
dad: "paradise."
daughter: "what's between your legs?"
dad: "the key for paradise."
daughter: "piece of advice dad, change the lock. the neighbor has a copy.."

Marriage Certificate Expiry

Wife: 'What are you doing?' 
Husband: Nothing. 
Wife: 'Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.' 
Husband: 'I was looking for the expiry date.'